Unorganized

It’s amazing what women can do to our creativity and outlook on life. Even when it’s not love but a simple return of attraction or a connection made on a personal level. We need women. Women are what make the world go around. People say money, sure. But when it comes down to the deeper reasons… isn’t it because of women? It’s because of them we feel these desires to further our successes or be more passionate towards life itself. Women are the INSPIRATION… they are the reason we came into this world and the reason to STAY in this world… appreciate all the women in your life. Life is just not as exciting without them.

It took me finally two years to delete my dad’s number off my phone finally. His cell phone AND his business number. I hesitated over many months to do it because I guess it was my way of holding onto him but he is in my memory. That is good enough. Time heals. Times heals. With time comes healing… Love strong, Love hard, Love like it’s your last day.

Yeah back to the red string. You think you met one that the red string led you to but in actuality… it got caught in a knot so wherever that knot was stuck at you believed was where you were led to. But it’s okay because that knot will come undone and you will be able to continue on. That red string is unable to be measured, seen, or felt, but it is there. That string will eventually bring you to one that you belong to, and that belongs to you. It’s the red string of fate. Destiny DOES exist. How do I know? Because my knot came undone.

It’s funny how eating breakfast alone in the morning after a night of drunken stupor with my roommates and group of friends motivates me to write. Normally I write because I feel extreme emotion and don’t know how to express myself… Or maybe it’s just because finals are done and I feel relaxed as fuck. So relaxed that my dicks been having this weird tingling sensation. Like right on the tip…Maybe I’m just horny. ANYWAYS on to the main point. After living with these people for 3 months I realized just truly how close I have gotten to these people. I am SO comfortable around them they are literally my family. It’s really interesting how living with people can really make or break friendships or relationships. Usually I get tired of people if I see them everyday but THESE people. I fuxking miss them if I don’t see them for a couple of hours. Granted there are times they may get on my nerves but it comes with the territory. It’s another feeling having friends like this. It really is. I haven’t even known them that long. So these people I officially added to my life long friends. Friends I WANT to be in my life for the rest of my life. Although many things will come up due to age and distance I know that in my heart we will all have a bond that can’t be broken. I know I’m sounding so bromantic to the point of homo-dom (kingdom of homos), but it’s a great feeling. It’s not too different from loving a girl, it’s just a different type of love. Knowing the meaning of friendship. Of course I have plenty of friends that I consider my brothers and sisters but its different when you live with and see your friends at almost all hours of the day. All I’m saying is I’m pretty damn thankful to be with these roommates. I’m thankful for all my friends who are there for me through the good and bad. I’m fucking thankful. Oh and I love my mom. Haha :)

once a good girl’s goin bad, she’s gone forever

One of the moments where you feel truly free and weight is lifted off your shoulders. Damn :) … peaaaaaceeeee babyyy! One of the good days, both necessary and good. 

If I keep going to this Filipino club ima forget im korean. sarap. hindi. pero. puso mo. balita pare. HUY. AND other random phrases/words. I need to date a korean for once. Or for the first time. hmmm. again my friends are Filipinos no matter where I go. Always Filipinos. Why? lol

To keep it simple. Who can you see still be in your life in 5 years? Now I want you to separate the people into these two groups. The first group will be the ones you can for sure see, the ones you KNOW will never leave. Now think of that group in 10 years… they will still be around? Some of them yes and some of them you don’t know right? These ones keep them. Now for the second group… these are the people you aren’t sure will still be in your life in 5 years. But for some reason you put so much importance to your relationship with these people and they affect your decisions in your life right? Now think of them in your life in 10 years. Will they be there? No? Now rethink all your decisions and rethink your choices. Rethink your time that will be wasted. The hours, the days, the nights spent on these people.

Can they see you in their lives in 5 years? Can they see you in their lives in 10 years? Do they WANT you to be in their life in the future?

Respect yourselves my friends. Don’t let the bullshits of life stink up your enjoyment of living. People come and go, you can’t change that. But what can be changed…is respect for oneself and choices one makes. Live, laugh, and love because were all gonna be part of the ground eventually.

I’ve decided lately to kind of put myself in a shell, become a hermit of some sort. I’m basically at home studying all day and I only go out to go to the gym or eat. I believed at first it was to just punish myself from procrastinating so much these past few weeks. But after doing it I feel…good. People think I’m a little out of my mind for doing this and putting myself into seclusion purposefully. The extroverted Korean who likes to talk smack, make jokes, and bull shit around is now doing what he needs to do and has his priorities in check? Weird eh? I’m trying this out for a while because I can’t seem to balance socializing and school work. The socializing ALWAYS takes over even if I say, “Michael you are only hanging out for one hour and then you HAVE to go study again. GOT IT?”
That never works… I do feel quite productive though and I am learning to not have fun all the time. I’m 23 years old I’ve had enough fun and bullshitting. But of course I will still go out on certain days where I have club meetings or if I finished my studies and homework. So it’s basically like this.

1. Study/School
2. Gym/Eat (I put those together because I love those two just the same and they are my priorities as well)
3. Socialize
4. The rest of the shit in my life

It’s very robotic this life but it’s okay because I know it needs to be done for me to move on and get my degree. I’ve fucked around way too much. Put others in front of me so that made me lag even more in graduating. It’s time for me to be selfish. It’s time to care about me. It HAS to be me, myself, and I to be able to truly give myself to my friends, family, future lovers etc. I don’t want to be that loser who never accomplished shit even though he has all this potential. I have so much fucking potential but wasted so many years doing … nothing. I will make something of myself. I will become something to be proud of and I WILL progress no matter what. Fuck it, Nerd mode. Get sexy all around, mind, body, and soul? I need to go to church. I feel spiritually dead after rejecting the church to give all my attention to certain… things. Time to love me. I love me. If really love me that much I will super love somebody else. Love. Love. Love. Weird word eh?

*Also*

I need to raise my standards for women, holy shit. What the hell is wrong with me? This school is full of retards. There are genuinely beautiful and intelligent people here but most so far haven’t amused me much. Down syndrome children man. Shit.